Friday, August 17, 2007

The Mascots Diaries: UGA Speaks Out...

OTB: Welcome to "Off The Baggie" UGA. As our first Mascot interview, are there any words you'd like to put on the record? To "etch in stone" if you will?

UGA: Yeah. I'm going to shit in Mark Richt's hamper for making me do this. "Go give an interview to a blog" he sez. "Urban Meyer lobbied last year and it worked, we need to get our team out there in the media". So who does he send me to first? ESPN? FoxSports? CBS Sportsline? Fuck no! He couldn't even have the decency to get me a sit down with Will Leitch. Instead he sends me somewhere where the writer constantly refers to himself as "we" and hates Phil Mickelson. How's living in your Grandma's basement going for you?

OTB: Just great. I think you two have the same taste in sweaters.

UGA: Ooooh good one. You know, when girls wear these, there are boobs underneath, but I'm sure you get to see plenty of those when your masturbating to old issues of "National Geographic".

OTB: We've seen plenty of boobs in our day.

UGA: Mickleson's man jumblies don't count queer-bait.

But while we're on the topic, I really hate this damn thing? Honest to god, it itches, it's ugly, and I'm pretty sure I saw that gay Labradoodle from down the street wearing one last week. I mean, a guy can't even work the red rocket without getting it caught in some fucking cotton/wool blend that 3 malnourished children in Hong Kong got paid 4 cents a day to stitch together. It honestly looks like something that cockhat Jim Tressel would wear.
OTB: Shifting gears a bit, much has been made recently about how SEC fans are more rabid about their teams than other conferences. Do you think this is true?

UGA: Hell yeah it's true. How often have they been showing a Georgia game on TV and some douche who speaks at 1st grade level sticks his face in the camera and yells "GO DAWGS!!! WOOF WOOF WOOF!!!". When was the last time you saw a Michigan fan do the same and yell "GO WOLVERINES!!!! REOWR REOWR REOWR!!!". It never happens. And how about those poor bastards at Minnesota? What the hell kind of sound does a Golden Gopher make anyway?

OTB: Give us one good reason why the SEC is a better conference than the Big Ten.

UGA: Straight up? It's the tail man. Who would you rather have? Some crater face corn fed heifer from Illinois, or some Georgia girl whose idea of "Southern Hospitality" is 3 laps aroud the hot tub and some fuzzy handcuffs? I'll take "Southern Trespass" for $1000, Alex...

OTB: Disturbing...

UGA: I've got pictures over here if you want to see?

OTB: Ummm no...

UGA: Pussy.

OTB: Getting back on track, what is it that makes Georgia think they can contend for a National Championship this year?

UGA: The players man. If these guys play up to their full potential, we'll be unstoppable. It will be worth every dime we're paying them to finally win that National Cham.... Wait... Can you strike that last sentence from the record.

OTB: Sure "we" can...

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